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The girl sees boy. The boy doesn’t like the girl. The girl tries to get his attention. The boy falls for the girl. And they live happily ever after — NOT!
Dating. Whew! Let me just pause and breathe deeply for a moment. Dating, by definition, is building a romantic relationship with someone by getting to know each other. Easier said than done. Metaphorically, dating is a gamble for it offers two opposite edges of the pole, and it is up to you if you are willing to take a plunge— whether it be in person or online.
Whatever our notion is of dating, it was mostly influenced by the media. The stares, the accidental hand touching, the butterflies in your stomach, and the daydreaming of you ending up together might be what you’re looking for that pushes you to carry on and just try the field. In rom-coms, I always find it adorable when the heroine gets to have her make-over. Simply because I see different outfits put together and a kindred sisterhood between the sales personnel and the best friend/stylist who always knows how to give the best fashion advice is formed. It makes you bubbly and just wants to step in and join the fun.
Truth be told; however, dating is daunting. It may come off as a challenge for some, but if you’re a novice at it, you might just give up even before you start. It isn’t just sunshine and rainbows either. If you aren’t careful with what you genuinely want, you may end up traumatized that you question yourself, your worth and just feel lost all throughout.
In the monologue, No Feelter, the transformation of the character by giving away “tips” on how to snatch a man was utterly disturbing for me. Yes, it was written with a comedic effect, but the underlying theme would make you question what you have been doing with your dating life. One, because it’s real. Two, because she catered to another person’s whims since she was forced to conform to society’s hefty demands about being the bait. And three, because I tried to be in her shoes.
Where exactly do you draw the line between being accommodating (trying new things for the sake of trying it) and conforming with the other person just so you could continue seeing him/her/them until you lose your sense of self? I think it is a matter of intention. Of course, people change. They grow and realize that their likes and dislikes may differ from before. However, if the reason behind their change was for them to fit in another person’s ideal, then, in the long run, they will never be genuinely happy. Yes, they will feel the “kilig” at first, but is it worth compromising that fleeting “kilig” with your self-worth? Honestly, no. Is the fear of the possibility of not finding your person the one holding you back? If that is the case, my friend, I need to tell you that you must be comfortable with the fact that you might end up being single for the rest of your life.
Having experienced several dates wherein I tried to fit in that person’s whims, I realized that when I was with him, I was all “kilig” but when the date ended, my smile dissipated because I knew that it wasn’t the real me. I then concluded that I had compromised my worth and decided that I’d rather be single for life than pretend to be someone I am not. On my own, I explored the things I liked and saw my beauty and worth, which resulted in the kind of happiness that I never felt before. I realized that I can be happy even without a partner. I was finally able to say that I love myself.
All in all, dating is a series of choices. It is up to you to discern when to be accommodating but never conform to another person’s whims. Someone can make you second guess your worth, no matter how that person seems to be your ideal partner. And if that is the case, you must stop at all costs. Remember that if that person is THE ONE, I assure you that he/she/them will let you live your life with no filter.
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